If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically
If you enjoy pain
If you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division
If you chuckle whenever anyone says centrifugal force
If you’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator
If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a Computer
If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water
If you think in math
If you calculated that the World Series actually diverges
If you hesitate to look at something because you didn’t want to break down its Wave function
If you have a pet named after a scientist
If you laugh at jokes about engineers
If you can translate English into Binary
If you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of the summer, because
there’s a Wind-chill factor in the laboratory
If you consider ANY non-science course easy
If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have
accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle it could be anywhere in the universe
If the fun center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use
If you assume that a horse is a sphere to make the math easier
If you make a hardcopy of this list and post it on your door
If you understand more than five of these indicators and/or if you worried
about whether this one counts as one of the five
If you e-mail this list to your internet (see Internet - Overview)friends
If you introduce your wife as mylady@home.wife
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name six Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal
point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids’ toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son’s Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging
coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the
burnt-out bulb in the string
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi
movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that
actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and
your camera’s flash attachment
If you don’t even know where the cover to your personal computer is
If you have modified your can-opener to be Microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own official Star Trek anything
If you have ever taken the back off your Television just to see what’s inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the Antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you thought the concoction ET used to Telephone home was stupid
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
If you own one or more white short-sleeve shirts
If you have ever backed-up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but
are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens are living among us
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have purchased an electronic appliance as-is
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can’t answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don’t remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns
bread into charcoal
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If the Microphone or visual aids at a meeting don’t work and you rush up to the front to fix it
If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have
seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands
for
If your father sat two inches in front of your family’s first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and
you grew up thinking that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size
screwdriver to use
If you can type seventy words a minute but can’t read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
If you can’t remember where you parked your car for the third Time this week
If people hound you for your pocket protectors at Halloween time
If you did the sound system for your senior prom
If your checkbook always balances
If your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of Apollo 13 were the mission controllers
If you think your computer looks better without the cover
If you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn’t get enough sleep
If your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea what you do at work
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:/ stands for (if you want to know what it stands for
see: Hypertext Transfer Protocol (HTTP) )
If you’ve ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
If your favorite part of the six o’clock news is comparing their latest satellite (see Satellite - Artificial) weather picture with yours
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain
atmospheric absorption theory
If your lap top computer costs more than your car
If your four basic food groups are 1) Caffeine, 2) Fat, 3) Sugar, and 4)
Chocolate